My mom recently landed in China so she asked me if I wanted any gifts- after all going to China does automatically mean binge shopping. And this just really hit me- I mean, it’s not like I’m not aware of my blessed lifestyle or that I’m not thankful for it. I do consider the level of my fortune every day, but for some crazy, irrational reason, this simple, little inquiry got to me. Maybe it’s because my familial relations are fucked up, but I mean,
there is nothing I want and yet, there’s so much I need, and at the same time, so much I want and nothing I need. And within this antithesis is just a giant whirlwind of homeostasis. And I know that makes no sense, but that’s what it is; I want books, I want a hanfu, I want skates, and I need clothes, more food, money. Honestly, I have everything to tend to my immediate needs despite having holes in my clothes and bags, and having a whole bunch of defective items. There is just so much stuff that I want and need, and at the same time, I don’t want or need any of it! And in the end I’m exactly where I started, go through this balanced circle of clustershits, and end up not needing anything(but not really) and not asking for anything.
Maybe it just takes one question like this to make us realize the extent to which we are grateful and greedy at the same time.
Hm now that was really sudden. Maybe the spirit of thanksgiving giving really hit me.
Which is really odd, because thanksgiving was last month.